Out of Mind Read online

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  She took a deep breath and unrolled the paper. “Love me.”

  “Yeah.” I tossed the red one on the bed. I hadn’t even realized that people dyed roses all these crazy colors until recently. I thought they only came in red or pink. “This one says: The sun is shining. Love me.” The pale green one. “I can’t live without you. Love me.” Pink next. “You look beautiful. Love me.” Another pink one. “I’ll never make you cry again. Love me.” Last, the yellow one. I tossed that in her lap. “I want to marry you. Love me.”

  She looked up at me, tears falling down her cheeks, and picked up the yellow one, holding it to her chest. “God, Finn.”

  “I’m going to be honest with you here.” I paced her way, nibbling on my thumbnail. “I’ll never be the same guy you fell in love with. I still get headaches, I have scars, and I occasionally have those nightmares, too. I don’t drink to hide the pain anymore, and I don’t abuse pain pills anymore, either. I was in a dark, dark hole the last time we were together, but I’m better now.”

  She stood up, still holding the yellow rose. “Finn—”

  “Wait. Before you say anything, I know you could do better. I know Riley is better. But damn it, you love me. You even said it. It might be scary and hard, but I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Making you laugh. Making you cry. Making love to you. I want to be yours…and I need you to be mine. Please. I’m begging you—and I don’t fucking beg. You know that.”

  Tears shined in her eyes. “Are you done yet?”

  “I…no.” I tugged on my hair, looking at the half-dozen roses scattered across my bed. “I love you, and no one will ever love you like I do. I know I fucked up, and I’ll spend my whole life making it up to you, if you’ll let me. Please, just let me love you. Love me.”

  “Yes. Yes, yes, and yes.” She launched herself into my arms, hugging me tight and crying. “I love you, too. I do. I love you so much.”

  “Y-You do?” I looked down at her, my mind spinning and my heart racing. “You still love me?”

  “Yes, I love you, you idiot.” She cupped my cheeks. “I’ve laughed with you. I’ve been blissfully happy with you. I’ve cried with you. I’ve cried for you. I’ve been scared for you. I’ve hurt for you and from you. I’ve even been broken hearted over you.” She looked up at me, tears rolling down her cheeks. “But I never want to be without you again.”

  “Then you won’t be. I swear it.”

  She lifted her face. “Good. Now kiss me before I die.”

  The second his mouth closed over mine, I lost myself. I gave myself over to him willingly, knowing this was the right choice. No second-guessing or wondering. This was Finn, and I was me. We belonged together like this. It was the way we were supposed to be. His tongue touched mine, and he growled, pressing me back on the bed. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close. There was no way I’d ever let go of him again. Not even if he pushed me away. Not even if he tried to make me not love him anymore.

  Love like this wasn’t meant to die.

  He pressed his hard length against me, and I spread my legs so he could rest within them. We both moaned when he fell into place, but we didn’t stop kissing. I don’t think I could have even if someone forced me to. He slid his hand under my butt, lifting me against his erection. I rolled my hips, desire twisting and turning in my belly.

  He broke off the kiss with a gasp, dropping his forehead on mine. “I can’t believe we’re back here again. I didn’t think you’d ever forgive me.”

  “I love you.” I sat up and watched him as he pulled his shirt over his head. “Love is forgiveness, compromise, and dedication. I think we have that all covered. Now get naked.”

  “Fuck yeah.” He tossed his shirt over his shoulder, his steamy blue eyes latching on to mine. “Your turn.”

  I shook my head. “You need to be naked first, because once I get my hands on you? I’m not stopping.”

  He undid his fly and dropped his shorts, kicking out of them easily. After he shimmied out of his boxer briefs, he stood there naked for the first time since his accident. Staring at me, waiting, letting me look my fill. He had scars all over his arm, and the scar on his head was still there, obviously. His muscles were as toned as ever, and he looked tanner than he used to be. He looked nervous, as if I might not like what I saw.

  He didn’t need to worry. He was Finn.

  “You’re perfect,” I said, slowly standing. I trailed my fingers over the red, jagged scars on his arm and shoulder. “Every mark on your body, whether it’s ink or a scar, tells a story. I want to know it all. I want to be there for it all from now on.”

  He relaxed, his eyes lighting up again. “You will be. I swear it.”

  “I know. I do too. Without you, I go out of my mind.”

  He laughed. “Yeah. Me too.”

  “I have a surprise for you.” I undid my shorts, letting them fall to the floor. I stared at his tattoo. The one he’d gotten for me. The sun is finally shining. On his other shoulder, he’d gotten a new tattoo. It said Ginger. Even when we were apart, he’d gotten my name on his shoulder. I blinked back tears. God, I loved him. “I hope you like it, because I have a feeling it doesn’t mean the same thing to you as it once did. But it means a lot to me.”

  He cocked his head. “I’m trying to concentrate, but you’re getting naked. I’m finding it increasingly hard to listen.”

  “It’s part of the surprise.” I kicked out of my underwear and then grabbed my shirt hem. “I got something for you for Christmas, but I didn’t have a chance to show you.”

  He nodded, his gaze on my stomach area…or maybe lower. “Show me,” he rasped. “Hurry, please.”

  I took a breath and lifted my shirt over my head, letting it hit the floor behind me. The bra came off next, but Finn wasn’t watching my movements anymore. He’d spotted my gift since I was officially wearing nothing but his necklace and his tattoo. As he stood there, staring at me, I waited. Letting him look his fill this time. “D-Do you like it?”

  He closed the distance between us. Reaching out, he traced his fingers over the ink with a featherlight touch. “You got our tattoo? When?”

  “When you were overseas.” I rested my hands on his arms. “I know you don’t like saying it anymore, probably because it reminds you of what you went through over there, but I—”

  “I fucking love it.” He pushed me back on the bed, lowering himself down my body to kiss the ink. “And I fucking love you, too. So damn much.”

  His hand skimmed lower and dipped down between my legs. I almost fell apart right then and there, because it had been so freaking long since I’d been touched like that. I let my legs fall open and moaned. “Oh my God.”

  “Jesus, I missed this. Missed you.” And then he thrust a finger inside me. I cried out, arching my hips, my eyes rolling back in my head. It felt that good. “You’re so hot when you’re flushed with need, Ginger.”

  “P-Please,” I begged, moving my hips higher. “More.”

  He chuckled, the sound low and so sexy it drove me even more insane. My pulse raced, and I moved my hips again, groaning when he thrust inside at the same time. “I am so incredibly moved and touched that you did that for me,” he said, withdrawing and then thrusting two fingers inside. “But before I get all sappy and sentimental and shit, I’m going to make you scream my name so fucking loud it hurts.”

  “God, yes,” I breathed. “Finn.”

  He slid down my body till he knelt on the floor next to the bed. Without a second’s warning, he closed his hands on the sides of my hips and his mouth was on my clit. As his tongue moved over me in slow, sensuous circles, I slowly drifted away to a place where nothing mattered but us. Nothing but this.

  He cupped my butt, lifting me higher against his hot mouth, and increased the pressure. His fingers dug into my skin, making me cry out from the mixture of pleasure and pressure, and he scraped his teeth against me. It had been so long since I’d had him, so lon
g since I’d felt anything even remotely close to this, that it didn’t take much to send me soaring over the edge.

  And, man, did I freaking fly. “Finn,” I cried out, my entire body bursting with pleasure. “Oh my God. Oh my God.”

  He let me hit the mattress again, growling as he climbed on top of me and claimed my mouth with a tortured kiss. After he rolled a condom on, he lifted my hips and thrust into me in one hard drive, not stopping once he was all the way inside of me. He pulled out and slammed into me again, making my entire body convulse from pleasure. I screamed into his mouth, unable to hold back the frantic noises escaping me, and closed my legs around his waist.

  Freaking heaven.

  He broke off the kiss and rested his forehead on mine, breathing heavily. His muscled arms flexed on either side of my head, and he rolled his hips gently. “Shit, Ginger. Are you okay? Was I too rough on—?”

  “No.” I dug my heels into his butt, smacking his arm in frustration. “Don’t stop. Keep going. Harder.”

  He growled and moved within me. Slow at first, but quickly picking up speed and friction. I dragged my nails down his back, moaning and whimpering and God only knows what else I did. My body was focused on him and what he was doing to me. Nothing else registered at all. I was so lost in him that I didn’t even know or care what I said or shouted or even cried.

  As long as he kept pumping his hips like that and kissing me, that’s all that mattered. He bit down on my neck, letting out a grueling moan. “I’m so fucking close. I need you to come again, Ginger.”

  He reached between us, squeezed my nipple between his finger and thumb with the perfect amount of force, and thrust harder. “Yes,” I cried out. “Oh my God, yes.”

  He thrust into me so hard the bed moved across the floor with a loud screech. His hard biceps were so strained his veins were pronounced, and he closed his eyes, his face lost in pleasure. It was so freaking hot, watching him like this. Knowing I was the only one who got to see him like this. I clung to him even tighter. “Fuck, Carrie.”

  “Let go. I have you,” I said, kissing him. “I’m all yours, love.”

  He let out a broken sound and moved inside of me without abandon. I dug my nails into his shoulders as the bed moved across the floor, the tightness in my stomach coiling so hard that I knew I was close to exploding again. He pinched my nipple, rough and hard, his tongue moving against mine, and I came.

  “Carrie.” He growled and pumped into me once more, harder than ever before, and his body went rock hard as he orgasmed. He collapsed on top of me, his breathing harsh. “Holy shit.”

  “Yeah.” I grinned. “It’s been way too long.”

  He lifted up onto his elbows and smiled down at me, sweeping the hair off my face with his hand. “I feel a hell of a lot less tense now, that’s for fucking sure.”

  “You and me both.” I flexed my legs around him, not wanting to let go…like…ever. “You know I wasn’t with anyone else while you were gone, right?”

  He kissed my nose. “I’d hoped so, but if you moved on when I was gone, it would be fine. I don’t have a right to—”

  “I didn’t.” My cheeks heated. “You’re the only one who makes me feel this way, and you’re the only one who ever will.”

  He kissed me tenderly before pushing off me. “We need a shower. I want to wash the filth of those assholes Cody hired off us.”

  I laughed. “You mean Cory?”

  “Nope. Cody.” He lifted me into his arms. “He doesn’t deserve a real name.”

  I rested my head on his shoulder as he walked into the bathroom. I flicked the light on with my toes. He set me down on my feet, kissed the tip of my nose, and turned on the water. “Still like it scalding hot?”

  “Yep.” I pulled out two towels and rummaged under the sink for supplies. Two bottles caught my attention. “You still have my shampoo?”

  He dropped something into the trash and turned a little bit red. “Yeah. I liked to sniff it when I missed you, which was every night before bedtime. Sometimes in the morning, too.” He rolled his eyes. “And there goes my man card yet again.”

  “You never lost it, and never will. Not with me.” I hugged the bottles close to my naked body. “Besides, I slept with your shirt, so I’m not one to talk.”

  “You did?”

  “I did,” I admitted. “Do. Whatever.”

  He laughed and swept me into his arms. He carried me into the shower, depositing me directly into the stream of water. “Are you okay? I mean, after the scare and all…”

  “I’m fine.” I reached up and cupped his face. “I’m not here because I’m in shock or anything.”

  “I know.” He kissed me. “And I’m not here because your father asked me to be your guard again.”

  “I know. You’re—wait. What?” I peeked up at him as he massaged my scalp under the water. “Did he ask you?”

  “Yeah, he did. I want to make sure it’s okay with you.” His fingers stilled. “He’s also giving me a second chance to prove myself. Your mother is, too. I’m not sure what to think about that.”

  “I’m not too surprised. They want me to be happy, and you make me happy.” I rose on tiptoe and kissed him. “Do you want to accept the job?”

  “I think I will. Since I’ll be guarding you for the rest of my life, I might as well get paid for it and keep some annoying dude from following us around all the time.” He poured out the shampoo and rubbed it into my hair. “He offered to pay for my college, but Captain Richards has already informed me that he’ll still pay even though I’m a civilian now. I don’t know if I can accept that, though.”

  “Accept it.” I frowned at him. “Are you insane? Of course you accept it. He’s offering to help you, and you earned it.”

  “But why? Because I lived and no one else did?”

  “Because you were injured, and that was part of the deal—you going to college on his dime. Trust me, he can afford it.” I rested my hands over his heart. “And if you won’t accept help from Captain Richards, then accept it from my father. He owes it to you after all the crap he’s given you.”

  He stepped back and tugged on his hair. “I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”

  I gazed at him, admiring the view. His ink was stark against his flawless skin. His broad shoulders tapered down over his hard pecs, and then narrowed to his impossibly taut abs. His cock—yes, I still blushed at that word—jutted out from his light brown curls, and he looked beautiful.

  Delicious, even.

  I’d never seen a more welcome sight than him, standing naked and wet in the shower with me. And I never would again. After he finished rinsing my hair, I grabbed his hand before he could snatch up the conditioner. “So…ready for round two?”

  His eyes darkened. “Are you?”

  “Heck yeah.” I nodded for good measure, running my fingers down his chest, over his abs, and closing my hand over his cock. “And three…”

  “And four…” He dropped his head back against the white tile. I skimmed my fingers over the head of his erection before jerking him in my fist. “Fuck, that feels good, Ginger.”

  I sank to my knees. “I know what will feel even better.”

  “Yes.” He threaded his fingers in my hair, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. “Do it. Now.”

  I sucked him into my mouth hard, rolling my tongue over him just like he liked. He tightened his fists in my hair, urging me closer. His body flexed and moved, and he gently pumped his hips into my mouth as I sucked on him. I tasted his semen before he tried to pull away, but I dug my hands into his butt and refused to let go.

  I wanted to do this. To taste him.

  “Ginger, I’m going to come,” he growled, pulling my hair. “Let me make you come, too.”

  I shook my head and sucked harder, moaning. He growled and moved his hips, seeming to give in. He rested his shoulders against the wall and pulled me closer, instead of pushing me away. When I scraped my teeth over the tip of him, he cried out an
d came. It was such a heady feeling, knowing I’d done this to him. Made him feel this good.

  I swallowed, finally letting go of him after one last kiss to the tip of his cock. He collapsed against the wall, breathing unevenly, his hand still fisted in my hair. “You’ve been a bad girl,” he said, his tone broken.

  He tugged me up by my hair, and I stood. Once I was on my feet, he spun me around and entered me from behind. I slammed my hands against the wall, and my forehead smacked against it, too. “Finn.”

  He reached around the front of me, pressing his fingers against my clit. “My turn to make you scream, Ginger.”

  As he moved inside of me harder and faster, his hands seemed to be everywhere. He skimmed over my breasts, pinching my nipples, and then dipped down. As soon as he touched me there again, I tensed. He thrust hard. I threw my head back and screamed, my nails scratching uselessly over the tiled wall as I came. “Yes. Oh my God.”

  He moved inside me once, twice, three times, his grip on my hips so tight it almost hurt—but in a good way. He dropped his forehead against the shower wall, cradling me in his arms from behind. “Holy shit, you’re going to kill me.”

  “Never.” I slid off him and spun around, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I love you too much.”

  Grinning, he trailed his fingers over my tattoo. “I love you, too. The sun is always shining around you, Ginger.”

  My heart warmed. “Indeed it is.”

  And I had a feeling it would never stop.

  Four months later

  I climbed off my bike and hung my helmet on the bars, taking a calming breath and smoothing my hair as I did so. The crisp early September morning air smelled fresh, sending awareness through my veins. Waking me up. It felt renewing, almost. Since this was the start of a new chapter of my life, it felt fitting. These past few months with Carrie had been pure heaven. We fought. We kissed. We made up. We loved.

  I never thought I could be so damn happy.

  My phone buzzed, and I pulled it out of my pocket. Senator Wallington. Good luck, Finn. Let me know how it goes. Give Carrie my love, too. We miss you two already.