Out of Mind Page 18

  “I don’t believe you. You told me you didn’t love me anymore. You looked me in the eye and said it.” She pressed her lips together. “Now you want to live near me? It makes no sense.”

  My stomach hollowed out. “I didn’t mean it. I was trying to save you. I never stopped loving you, and none of the things that happened to me were your fault.”

  “Yes, they were.”

  “No. They. Weren’t.” I locked gazes with her. “I only said that because I knew you’d believe it. I knew you felt bad, so I used that against you. I’m sorry for that, too, but I never stopped loving you. I lied about that.”

  “Stop.” She reared back, her face pale. “Just stop.”

  “I can’t.” I pressed a hand to my heart. “No one will love you like I do, Ginger. I always have. I always will. Even if you hate me for the rest of your long, healthy life, I’ll still love you forever. I don’t know how to stop. I can’t.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out a note I’d written her. “Read this later. Please?”

  She made a broken sound and slid out of the booth without taking the note. “I can’t do this—can’t love you like you want me to. I told you, I’m done with love. It hurts too much. I made up my mind. You need to stop coming to my dorm. Stop begging me to forgive you. Stop trying to be my friend. Just stop everything.”

  She bolted for the door. I tossed some cash down on the table and followed her, grabbing the note on my way out, my heart shattering into a thousand pieces even as it sped up. I had a bad feeling that something was about to happen. And when I got that feeling, I was usually right. I followed her out into the dull afternoon sun, scanning the crowd for any signs that something might be amiss.

  Nothing stood out to me, except I didn’t see Hernandez. That might be nothing, since he knew she was with me, but it might be something, too. I shot him a quick text, keeping my phone in my hand as I followed Carrie.

  When she saw me behind her, she glowered at me and hurried her steps. She rifled in her purse, pulled her phone out, and put it to her ear. When she stopped walking and stood there, talking rapidly while scanning the crowd, I stopped, too. Talking into her phone, she nodded before heading for the exit. I trailed her, keeping a good distance behind her. Hernandez was missing, so like it or not, I was kind of her guard right now.

  She must have spotted me following her, because she whirled on her heel. “Finn. Go. Away. You promised you would after this.”

  “I will, but not until you’re home.”

  “I will be soon.” She gripped her bag tight, not meeting my eyes. “Marie is coming for me.”

  I crossed my arms and searched the crowd. No sign of the dude who had caught my attention, but another man I didn’t know stood to the side, watching Carrie way too fucking closely for my liking. “Fine. But I’m not leaving until she does. I think someone’s wa—”

  “I thought you weren’t my freaking guard anymore,” she snapped, eyes flashing. Her red hair blew in the breeze, and she looked picture perfect. I wanted to kiss that frown right off her face, in front of everyone in this outdoor mall. “Yet here you are, guarding me yet again.”

  I twisted my lips. “Hernandez didn’t come, so I have to watch over you. And I saw someone—”

  “Actually, you don’t.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder. “I’m fine alone.”

  “Jesus, woman, will you let me fucking talk?” Which reminded me why I’d written the note in the first place. So I could get all my words out like Dr. Montgomery suggested. I stepped closer, towering over her short frame. I shook the note in front of her face. “Take this.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I don’t want it. It won’t change anything.”

  I opened it. “Dear Ginger,” I started. “I know I was wrong when I left you. I know I broke your heart, but the thing is? I broke mine more. I can’t live without you. When I wake up, you’re there—but you’re not there. When I laugh at something on TV, I look to your spot on my couch to see if you laughed too—but you’re not there. When I roll over in bed, I stretch my hand out, looking for your smooth skin—but you’re not there.”

  “Oh my God, stop.” She covered her ears, tears streaming down her flushed face. “Please.”

  Pain sliced through me, but there was no way in hell I would stop now. “Even when I was out of my fucking mind with grief and rage, even when I wanted to fucking die and almost did, you saved me. I was going to end it all the night you saw me outside you room, but when I stood in the store picking out a rope—you were there. You saved me. You didn’t ruin me. You are all I need in my life to live, and without you, I’m not living. Without you—”

  “Wait. Y-You wanted to die?” She took a step toward me but stopped herself short. “You almost killed yourself?”

  She was close enough for me to touch her now.

  I didn’t.

  “I’m not done yet.” I dragged my hands down my face. “Without you, I will never be whole, because half of me will always be gone. You complete me, and without that, I’ll—”

  She pushed my shoulders hard. “Damn you. You can’t die.”

  I lowered my arm, giving up on reading the letter right now. “I know. And I’m not.” I fisted my hands. “I’m here, watching you hate me, and I’m not going anywhere. It’s my turn to have the broken heart. I can handle that. But it won’t make me stop fucking caring, damn it.” I lifted my arm. “Without that, I’ll keep living, but I’ll die alone, because no one else will ever replace you. I. Am. Not. Leaving. Not this time.” I looked up at her again. “Please forgive me. Please love me again, because I can’t stop loving you. I won’t. I don’t want to be your friend. I want to be your forever. The sun is always shining when I’m with you. Love always, Finn.”

  She pushed my shoulders ever harder this time, her wet cheeks shining in the dull sunlight. “Fuck you!”

  I stood my ground, even though it hurt to see her look at me as if I was the enemy again. I’d done this to myself. I deserved every second of her anger, and more. It was better than her being upset, if nothing else. I crumpled up the paper in my fist. “That’s what the letter said.”

  She growled and smacked my arm. “God, I hate you sometimes.”

  “I love you all the time,” I said.

  “Stop saying that.”

  “Or what?” I cocked a brow. “You’ll kiss me into submission, like the good old days?”

  Her eyes flared, and she stared at my mouth. I could tell she was contemplating it, so I acted without thinking. I hauled her close, spun her against the wall, and kissed her. Our lips met explosively, fireworks going off and all that sappy, sentimental garbage most women said happened when people kissed.

  Thing is? Most of them are lying.

  But this was real.

  Her hands closed on my shoulders, and for a second I thought she was going to push me away. But then she dug her nails into my skin and hauled me closer, whimpering and parting her lips. I slipped my tongue in with a growl, deepening the kiss until I felt her melt against me. When she was all liquid desire, I cupped her ass and lifted her slightly, needing to feel her against me.

  Needing her.

  She gasped and broke off the kiss, her cheeks bright red. “Oh my God.”

  “Please.” I kissed her again, soft. My heart thundered in my chest, drowning out the sounds of the people all around us. “Don’t push me away. I need you. Love me again, Ginger.”

  “Finn…” Her hands hesitated, and she looked up, her blue eyes shining up at me. I held my breath, waiting for her to say yes. Hoping she wouldn’t send me away, because it just might rip me in half. “I—”

  “Carrie?” Riley said, his voice hard. “Are you okay? Marie sent me here to get you.”

  She bit down on her lip hard, still staring at me. But I could see the difference. The moment had passed, and she was going to reject me. She wasn’t looking up at me with warmth. She was scared. Angry. Hurt. But not in love.

  It was over.

  Oh
my God. This was so unfair. I’d been fighting and fighting to move on from Finn when all along…he’d been hiding within me. I thought I could get over him? Well, he’d never left. How could I move on when I was still hopelessly in love with him? The second his lips touched mine, it was like I’d finally come home.

  The weight that had been sitting on my shoulders lifted, and I could finally breathe again. It was like I’d been stuck in some deep, endless slumber—and nothing could wake me up but his kiss. Like Snow White or something. That might sound stupid, but it was true. It had always been, and would always be, Finn. There was no escaping it, and if I kept trying, I might drive myself insane in the process.

  I could probably love Riley. I could probably be happy.

  But he wouldn’t make me feel like this.

  I looked past Finn to Riley, and I could tell he was upset. He deserved better than this. He deserved to feel this way with a girl who felt this way about him. I let go of Finn, and he stepped back, his head lowered. “I need to…I need…Riley. I have to go to him.”

  Finn nodded, his mouth pressed tight and his eyes achingly hollow. “I know. Go ahead. A deal is a deal.”

  I didn’t know what he meant by that, but I tried to push it aside so I could focus on what needed to be done. As I walked over to Riley, I bent down and picked up the note Finn had written for me as I walked. I could feel Finn’s eyes on me. “Riley, I’m—”

  “I know. I can see it. There’s nothing to say. No explanations or apologies needed. I knew I was the underdog in this match.” He shrugged. “I guess I just hoped you had a thing for the underdog. Or that I’d have a sweeping win, Rocky style.”

  I held his hands, squeezing them. “I’m so sorry. I think I could love you eventually. It would be so much easier. So much…just more everything.”

  He offered me a small smile. “A wise man once said that the heart wants what the heart wants.”

  “That wise man was you.”

  “Was it?” He cocked his head. “I should write that down. It’s good advice.”

  I laughed a little bit. “It is.”

  “I guess I’m taking my hat back, huh? It’s a good thing I look so hot in a hat.”

  “Yes,” I whispered. “I believe love like this, as disastrous as it can be, only happens to a person once in a lifetime. You deserve to find someone who feels that way about you.”

  Riley cupped my cheek. “If you were mine, I’d never let you go. You deserve a guy who will stand by you, no matter what.”

  “Thank you.” I smiled and dropped back down to my normal height. “Your girl is out there. You’ll find her soon. I know it.”

  He smiled sadly. “We’ll see about that.”

  “Want to say hi to Finn?” I looked over my shoulder. “He really does…like…you.” I spun in a circle, searching the crowd. “Wait. Where did he go?”

  Riley frowned. “He was just there, watching us.”

  “Finn?” I called out, rising on tiptoe. I spun in a circle. “Something’s wrong. I know it.”

  Riley scratched his head. “What could possibly be wrong? We’re in a crowded mall.”

  “You don’t understand.” I grabbed his hand. “I know him, and he wouldn’t leave me alone. He’d never leave me unguarded like this.”

  “Calm down. You’re with me. Maybe that’s why he left.” Riley started leading me to the exit. “Let’s get to my car and we’ll call him. Maybe he’s already on his bike, waiting to follow us back to the college. Okay?”

  I looked over my shoulder. “No. I know something’s wrong.”

  “Then we’ll find him.” He squeezed my hand. “Try calling him.”

  We started for the exit, me fumbling for my phone in my pocket, but someone stepped in our path. He wore a hoodie that covered his face, and he reeked of smoke. I couldn’t see his face, but his dirty hand held what looked like an equally filthy blade. “We have your boyfriend, and he’s unconscious. You want him to live? You’ll both come with us, Ms. Wallington.”

  My heart stopped. “What did you do with him?”

  “It doesn’t matter if you don’t get walking,” the guy said, showing the blade in his hand even more fully to us, “’cause he’ll be dead.”

  Riley stiffened. “We’re in a crowded mall. You can’t abduct us here.”

  Another guy came behind us, pressing a knife against my lower back. “Do what he says, princess.”

  I tried to look over my shoulder. The guy in front of us snarled. “Don’t turn around. Don’t fight. Just walk.”

  “No,” I said, surprised at how steady my voice sounded.

  “Carrie,” Riley said, his voice cracking. “Do what they say. He has a knife to your back.”

  The guy in front of us slashed out at Riley. Riley hissed and jerked back, his hand to his arm. Blood soaked the white shirt, and he glared at the criminal with fury in his eyes. “You asshole. I’ll kill—”

  “Okay, we’re going!” I said, my heart racing. “Riley. Look at me.”

  Riley whirled my way, still looking as if he was ready to fight both these men all on his own. He’d lose. Two to one. “We can take them.”

  “We have her boyfriend,” the guy behind me hissed. “How will you save him, too?”

  The guy in front of us smirked. “You’ll never find him.”

  “We’re coming.” I swallowed hard. “Who put you up to this?”

  “A friend of a friend. We were only supposed to scare you, and make this one look like a fool,” he said, tipping his head to Riley. “But then we realized you’re both worth more money than the other kid offered us. Now, out to the parking lot, real easy like, and no one gets hurt.”

  Riley’s hand tightened on mine. The blood had spread over his forearm, soaking the whole lower half of his sleeve. “Let’s go. Do what they say.”

  I walked with him, my eyes straight ahead the whole time. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” Riley’s hand tightened on mine. The guy behind me pressed the knife deeper against my back. “Pissed, but fine.”

  I nodded. I was terrified, so much so that my legs shook. But we’d be okay. These guys would ransom us off, and this nightmare would be over. Finn would be okay, too. Things could go back to normal. Oh, who was I kidding? This was my freaking life. Two kidnapping attempts in one lifetime meant my life would never be normal.

  We reached a shady van with dark windows. Of course. This kidnapper didn’t have an original bone in his body. For some reason, I wanted to laugh at this whole scenario. Maybe it was paranoia, maybe it was me going crazy.

  All I knew was that this seemed extremely funny.

  The guy in front of us opened the back door of the blue van and said, “Get in. Quickly.”

  Before Riley could move, the guy behind us hit the ground twitching. I whirled, my eyes wide as the dude struggled to breathe, his face turning blue. Riley leapt on him, twisting his arms behind his back, forcing the guy onto his knees. Finn leapt around us, attacking the other kidnapper before he could even react. He hit the ground, too, and Finn knelt behind him, choking the dude out and breathing heavily, his eyes narrowed as he searched the rest of the parking lot.

  His hard muscles flexed as he gripped the guy tight. I watched as the kidnapper lost all color to his face and finally passed out. Finn hadn’t even broken a freaking sweat. “I already took out the driver. Were they with anyone else?”

  “I-I don’t know,” I said quickly, looking around. “I thought they h-had you.”

  “No, they had Hernandez. I already saved him, though. I saw him get taken. I almost missed it, but when I looked away from you two…I saw Hernandez.” He let go of the guy, and his lifeless body slumped to the ground. “Then he was gone, so I followed him.”

  I let out a sigh of relief. Finn was okay. So were we. It was over. But this whole thing felt fake, as if it were a dream.

  Finn stood up and came around us, punching the other guy in the face. He slumped over, too, knocked out cold, and Riley
let go of his arms, his face pinched tight in anger. “Thanks, man.”

  “It’s nothing,” Finn said, reaching into the van and pulling out some rope. I’d known he was lethal, but seeing him in action again was both frightening and yet…somewhat hot. Knowing he could save me from anyone or anything made me all warm and gooey inside. “I was here. Carrie? Are you okay?”

  I nodded. “Y-Yes.”

  He’d never let me down again, and I knew it.

  His gaze scanned over me. He opened the van and pulled out rope, tying the kidnappers’ feet and hands together effortlessly. It wasn’t until he opened the van that I saw another guy in there, also hogtied. He was awake now. “Did they hurt you?”

  “N-No. They cut Riley, though.” I looked at Riley. I was still holding his hand, but he seemed to need it, so I didn’t let go. He looked shaken up. “We’re okay. I thought they had you.”

  He snorted. “But they didn’t. They’d never have gotten me. I’m surprised they got Hernandez. He must have been distracted by something.”

  Marie came running up, out of breath. “Is everything okay? I was on the phone with Hernandez, fighting with him over whether he was able to find you, and then he was gone. It sounded like…” Her eyes went wide. “Why are there two unconscious dudes on the ground?”

  “We were almost kidnapped, and they knocked out Hernandez.” When Marie paled, I quickly added, “We’re all fine, though. It was over before it started because of Finn.”

  Marie looked horrified. “Oh my God. Are you okay?”

  “Yes. I am, I swear.”

  Looking in the van, she nodded distractedly. “Where is he? Where’s Hernandez?”

  “I left him in Islands after I found him unconscious. He’s probably awake by now.” Finn looked up from his position on the ground. “You can go check on him, if you’d like.”

  Marie took off without a backward glance.

  “Thank you, Finn,” Riley said again, stepping forward. He still didn’t drop my hand. “You saved us.”

  Finn finished tying up the first suspect, stood up, and went to the second. “It’s nothing, man.” He looked at me before quickly glancing away. “Absolutely nothing.”